Family jokes
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
Why does an orphan wanna be a criminal?
Because they wanna be wanted.
Why can’t an orphan use an iPhone?
Because it can’t find the home button.
Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why can't all orphans learn about ancient Egypt? Because they don't know what a mummy is.
Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.
The only difference between my grandma and the twin towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they always return.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."