Family

Family jokes

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Why can't all orphans learn about ancient Egypt? Because they don't know what a mummy is.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

The only difference between my grandma and the twin towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

All these 9/11 jokes need to stop.

My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loves: flying planes.

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

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    • Being an orphan isn't all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family-sized.

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