Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Evers Jokes
So this guy we talked to wanted me to leave forever, and we said, "What? You never want to hear from me again?"
Have you ever had Ethiopian food??
Neither have they.
Have you ever had African water??
Neither have they.
Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
Don't worry, neither have they.
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?
Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."
These are some of the greatest names ever: Dixie Normous, Dixie Rekt, Ka Monmi, Ice Wallow Kum, Dick Sinsider, Anita Biggerman.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? Don't worry, he hasn't neither.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
What did the porg say to the porg?
Hi Porg.
You're on worst jokes ever. You thought I put up a good joke? HAHAHAH!
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
