*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.
Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said "it's time to go sweetie" but before we could go someone said "stop them they have my daughter!"
my sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone's attention.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
a women wakes up in a hospital after a accident and yells "doctor doctor i cant feel my legs" and the doctor say "i know i amputated your arms"
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says "what about the children" the rabbi says "fuck the children" and the Priest says "do you think we'll have time
Me: Mom i think i need to go to the hospital ......Mom: OMG Why son ......Me: Idk whats wrong but everytime i close my eyes i can see
.....Think about it then spread LMAO
A woman ran into a police station screeming "help i have bin graped" the policeman said "do you mean raped" the woman said "no the was a bunch of then".
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital, apparently the doctor said to the nurse you can discharge Mr Hawking now, so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in a emergency? Nein-Nein-Nein
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first. The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his shits already packed.
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
Why do I carry pepper spray? JUST IN CASE OF AS-SAULT.
I was talking to my welsh friend the other day and he suddenly started talking welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke
Where was stephen hawkings during the house fire... the top of the stairs
what do ambulances and gay men have in common? they both take it in the back and go whoop whoop :D
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says "my brother has just been hit by a car." The policeman replied with "OK then first I need to know your name." "Shut up" "No, I need to know your name." "Shut up." "Excuse me but where are your manners." "Round the corner picking up shit."
If stephen hawking has a heart attack do u take him to halfords or a&e
Why did the author go to the emergency room? -- His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
