Downing jokes

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"

"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."

Life's full of ups and downs :D <3

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.

When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.

Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.

I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

Why was the snowman smiling?

Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?

They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

I have a dog named Syndrome.

But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"

Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?

His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.

*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*

Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.

LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!

Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.

Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?

Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"