DOE jokes
If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
What does NASA stand for?
Not Another Strong Astronaut.
When does an emo get jealous at a phone?
When it dies.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
Why does an orphan hate apples? Because they get picked on more.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Why does family love family?
Because everyone has their Friday night nut together.
What does Army stand for?
Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet.
How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.