DOE jokes

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

How does the bunny keep his fur neat?

With a hare brush.

How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.

Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.

What feature does an orphan's phone not have?

A home button.

How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.

Why does a girl orphan want a boyfriend?

To finally call someone Daddy!

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.

Why does Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess?

He can't choose between black or white.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two; 1 to screw it in, and the other to suck my dick.

How many blacks does it take to start a riot?

-1.

The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"

What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.

Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.

How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.

Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a "brojob"?

Because it's male bonding.

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?