DOE jokes
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back...
Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
What did the skeleton say after dinner?
Bon appétit!
What does an emo kid say when they wanna hang out?
"Wanna hang?"
An American walks into an Afghan bar. Joke, Afghanistan doesn't have bars because of the Taliban.
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
What does a pillow say when you live for a week? "Don't forget me!"
When does a Pentagon have 4 sides? When it's intercepted by a plane.
Why does Aaron eat burgers on a Wednesday? Because his spine is bent, and his favorite gun in Apex Legends is the G7 Scout, and he uses the speedy Spanish man.
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
"Does this make any cents?" a man says.
"Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.
What does one emo kid say to the other?
"I like your cuts, G."
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What does the A stand for in "orphan, adopt" from the orphan company?
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.