Do jokes
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.
Why do orphans become criminals? Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
Memes
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
Why do heterosexual men like to receive an anonymous blowjob at an adult bookstore? Because they don't want gay men and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out that they also like getting their cocks sucked by men, but they don't want gay and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
What do you call a Dino stripper?
A dinowhore.
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.