Do jokes
How do you win an argument against an emo?
Kick the chair!
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide Squad!
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
Memes
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?
Dribble.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?
Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?
Panera Bread.
Why do orphans play Sims?
Because they can make themselves a family.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?