Do jokes
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
How do bees get to school? On a school buzz.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
Memes
Procrastination
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
How did the shark do on his math test?
Jawesome!
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
How do birds pay? With their bills!
Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?
Palpatine: Renew it!
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh!
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
How do spiders reach the internet?
Through the World Wide Web!
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
How do you think the unthinkable? An iceberg.
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.