Do jokes
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?
Call their parents.
What do orphans call family pictures?
A selfie.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."
Memes
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
What instrument do skeletons use? A trombone! Haha!
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
What movie do orphans relate to? Home Alone.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Philipe Philope.
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?
Arrrrrr-ceus!
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
What do you say to a depressed special kid?
“Why so down?”