Do jokes
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What do chairs spend on the most?
Chair-ity.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Memes
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
Why do orphans work boomerangs?
Because it's the only thing that comes back.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.