Do jokes
How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
Memes
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
Why do orphans play GTA? Cause they wanna feel wanted.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.