Die jokes
One day, there was an ugly barnacle. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end!
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he got sucked up by the black hole then got sent to the large charger in the sky.
Stephen Hawking died because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He didn't have enough room for any more RAM on his motherboard. I feel so bad for saying that!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
My dog died.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.
Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!
It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.