Die jokes
If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me....
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone unplugged the router.
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost WiFi connection.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
"Sing in music lesson"
"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.