Dead jokes
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise?
The dead hang.
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
Ironic that this page is dead.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
What do you call a cemetery of dead Arabs? A mine field.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What's the square root of your dead?
9/11.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.