Dais jokes
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Why is 4/20 such an epic date?
Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)
Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.
I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.
Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.
Cool, new word of the day: Marijuana.
“Does Marry wanna smoke a joint?”
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don't have a mother or father's day.
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
Have a great day today!
What kind of star will come out in the daytime?
A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂
I had the BEST day EVER.
1: I woke up.
2: I met someone I'm sad about.
3: I had fun and got them back again online.
But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD
What is yellow and brings kids to school every day?
One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
Good day today, love you. Walk in love day and a walk home night. Night, night. I did not get snow. I love it is the day that we get a tree. I have to go get some sleep. Was good day at school today, but I’m going to be...
Good day tomorrow, and what day are they still good today? Good time. Love day! A great night time and...
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)