“I had a great day today Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day, he replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."
The fourth month (Symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides That day is called "April Fool's"
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy
As a older brother I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room I see my sister giving married me blow jobs. I ask what are you doing the married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you tole me to do your best and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother I couldn't be more prouder.
As a straight son one day I ask my mom have your ever quit in something that you did before. My mom said no I never quit in anything. So ask my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said what did I say quitters are for spitters.
Why do orphans only have 363 days?
They don’t have Mother’s Day or Father’s Day
I went to jail because i gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days
(i deleted mother's day and father's day)
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, 'why are you crying my son?' 'my parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died,' 'it's just not your day today is it' Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
I asked my Dad the other day.."At what age is it ok to have sex with girls?"He replied "When they leave school son, they are legal" Apparently 3.15pm is not what he meant.
The other day, I stumbled upon a comic strip in the newspaper. As I started reading, I could feel a smile creeping onto my face. The characters were so relatable, their situation so absurd, yet so familiar, it was impossible not to find it amusing. The punchline was unexpected, yet it made perfect sense within the context of the story. It was that surprise, that sudden twist, that made me burst out laughing. It was as if the comic strip had set up a joke and I had walked right into it, completely unsuspecting. The laughter bubbled up from within me, a spontaneous reaction to the unexpected humor. In that moment, I realized the power of humor. It's not just about making people laugh. It's about bringing joy, about making people see the world from a different perspective, even if just for a moment. And that's why I found that comic strip so funny. It wasn't just a joke, it was a moment of joy, a moment of surprise, a moment of seeing the world in a different light.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year? Because they don't have a Father's Day.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day? They shellabrated their mommy.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender can squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time Weight Lifters, Lumberjacks, men in the Army, and Etc. But still, nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet". After the laughter had died down the bartender said "okay" and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to Total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack a weight lifter or what?". The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS".
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
