What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?
So he could be wanted.
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
There is one rapist among us.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.
When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭
Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
