Criminal jokes
What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
They aren't wanted...
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Why did the orphan become a criminal?
Because he wanted to actually be wanted.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?
So he could be wanted.
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.