Cream

Cream jokes

Ice Cream

    • Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

    The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

    Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

    The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

    Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

  • 1
    • Cream memes

    McDonald's

    • A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.

    He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.

  • 0

    • Note

    • Note to self.

    When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

    Google "cream pie recipes".

  • 0

    • Patient

    • A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

    The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

    Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

    Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

    After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

    Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

    The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

  • 0

    • Cake

    • At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

    “Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

    Inspector

    • Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

    Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

    Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

  • 0

    • Lollipop

    • Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.

    Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.

    Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.

    Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.

    Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.

    Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.

    Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.

    Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.

    I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.

    Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.

    Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.

    I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.

    Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.

    Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.

    Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.

    Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.

    Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.

    Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.

    Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.

    I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.

    Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.

    Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.

    Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.

  • 4