Newest Cop Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

i will all ways remember my granpas last words after robing a bank O SHIT THE PIGS ARE CACHING UP but the cops did not kill him he drove full speed of a cliff

Friend: How dark IS your humor Me: It started an orginization against cops

How to get rich Step 1: tell an orphan he will get a family Step 2: knock out the orphan Step 3: cut open the open the orphan Step 4: well there organs Step 5: do it again And nobody will call the cops cus they got no family

The school shotter when the cops show up be like:

Aint nothing gunna break my stride, aint nothing gunna hold me down. Oh oh. Ive got to keep on moving.

What's the difference between a Cop and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone it gets fired.

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

*trigger alert* why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel because there were too many black holes.

So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?". The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass", it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy", it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster", it'll go faster, "harder", it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.

After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hostpital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.

The Women saw a Cute lookin cop she Had pulled up right Next to him and said “Hey can i get your number” He said yea it’s “911”. And drove of

[ when a cop meets a pothead on April 20th ]

Officer : Hi, how high are you?

Pothead : No officer, it's how are you

Officer : oh im sorry ive been high since last night

Pothead : cool, i'd like to give you sum weed, happy 420 sir

Officer : omg thx man appreciate that

I was invited into a celebrity's house, thats what i told the cops at least...

today my idiot brother screamed"ahhhhh im dead!' but it wasn't really, so i d3cded to make it a reality until my sister came.............................

AND HELPED ME! - for once but then two minutes later my mom showed up, we k!lled him right infront of her and she screamed! "DONUTS AND PIZZA FOR YPU AND MORE IF YOU GO TO MRS ROBERTS HOUSE AND SAY HI AND BYE TO DADDY!!!!! and she hands us both a sharp tool and i say what about tommy??!!! arn't u MAD!!!!!!! then she replied who's THAT!!??? COZ HE AINT MINE HIS NAME IS TOMMY, TOMMY ROBERTS. so then me and my sister visit mrs ROBERTS AND SHE SAID OH THIS ISN'T ANYTHING IMPORTANT GO HOME! so then my sister nd i say hi! and do a countdount aftr that my nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR , MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL!😊😊😊 but then the police question us where daddy was so then mom said....................... oh he's moved on! so then the police officer was like ahem ma'm where! SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................

ok like for part two☺☺☺

Digga D, I'm a well known bandit, bandit Had a new mash, just landed Jheez, cop it, chop it, sand it, hand it The verbal ting I can't stand it Wife and two, got tanned when I banged it Mad ting Got a conspiracy case in the silliest Place, they're saying that I planned it, damn it Back on a Feltham landing You ain't been in the hood like Robin I ride in hoods tryna leave man red (Crud) The sweets are goldy, yola drops and lots of dred (Maud) No porkies, pepper them pigeons, they chase this ped Gyal tryna give man noddy, She ain't got balls in her tongue thats dead

What happened when 800 hares got loose in the center of town?

The cops had to comb through the area.

A man comes in to the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot and the nurse cleans the shot area. The next day the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job. The nurse was relaxing looking for a vacation to book when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sound like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots here are yours.” Said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand which is the ladies dominant hand so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper. 9 years later...... All along this man, this psycho escaped a mental hospital. He wen’t on mass genocide killing 20’000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human. More than alien. More than god himself...,. It was satan reborn.

What do you call a dwarf police officer?

A guinea pig

trump can get ban the cops can tack him to jral and trunp go go go go bye bye for good trump is meing

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”