Childhood jokes

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"

His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."

The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"

"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."

The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."

The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."

"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

Why are so many people mean to orphans?

They can’t cry to their parents.

When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

I kept asking these kids where their parents are, and they started crying. I walked away laughing, thinking I love my job at an orphanage.

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?

Because he did not have one.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?

Coldemort!

What do you call an orphan family? None existent.

Why is an orphan afraid to play baseball?

They are afraid they won't find home.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.