So a man goes to church is dipped in water 3 times by a Priest as he says, " From now on your name is Michael and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol. " . Soon after the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips it in the water 3 times while saying, " From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol. " .
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
Hey did you know that 9/11 won a grammy?
Yes best comedy award.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer? Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
do you know why orphans cant get married. because they will never get there parents blessing
My mom said i need Jesus in my life, So I drunk up the holy water ;}.
You're the type of person to play girl on fire during a funeral
My Relatives Always Teased Me During Weddings saying " You'll Be Next " But they Stopped when I did the same to them during Funerals
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma. Why is that man in a box?" and she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "WHAT KIND OF BOX DID HE LIVE IN BEFORE?! HOW IS THIS BOX BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE?! IT'S JUST A BOX!" And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
why was the people's wedding so miserable... cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky they agreed to never try to have another wedding
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said “Of corpse”!
Hi I love you 06/02/2020 3:19 PM Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Groupings Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Schedule.pdfDear Grad Parents,Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear.There will be more information to follow in the coming days.Thank you.
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What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
Why do brides wear white?
So the match the kitchen appliances
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
What happened to the eight year old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church? The priest stopped him on the way there
"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
