Cant jokes
Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.
Why can’t orphans order from Costa?
They need a parent or guardian with them.
I can NOT take any responsibility and credit for this, it just said what's your favourite joke so I'm writing it in favor of them: A man needs to leave for a lengthy business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny.
The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cashier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand,” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home.
Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
I think I gave you the coronavirus because I can't stop staring, a-choo!
Why can't an orphan play baseball or softball?
They can't find home. 🤣
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.
Why can't blondes write comments on the jokes on this site?
Because they don't know what 2 X 4 is.
Why can't orphans go to field trips?
Parent Signature_________________
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of kids.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They can't find home.
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
Because they need a parent’s signature.
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
Why are feminists always against men?
Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.