Cant jokes
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Even Steph Curry can't hit threes from behind your hairline.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
Why can't an orphan have an iPhone?
It has a home button.
Why can’t orphans date?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?
Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can never score home.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "Daddy."
Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?
A: He could not use his mother's credit card.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
Why can't orphans become YouTubers?
They don't have electricity!
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of orphans.
Why can't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he has "no body" to go with!