Cant jokes
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't have a home to go to.
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
What kind of pizza can't an orphan order?
Familiar pizza.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because he can’t find home.
What do orphans and deaf people have in common?
They can't hear their parents.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they can't find home or return it.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
People say towers can't move. Apparently, nobody told that to the Trade Centers.
"We can't go under... We can't go over... Oh no, we got to go through it!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Stephen.
Can't you read? It says "No Hawking."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They don't know who daddy is.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Steven.
Can't you read? It says, "No Hawking."
Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.
And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.
I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.