Cant jokes
Why can't you trust the atom? 'Cause they make up everything.
Why can't orphans go to a five-star hotel?
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't go home.
The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."
Why can't orphans exit out of their games? They don't have a home button.
Dark jokes aren't funny... I can't see them at all.
Stephen Hawking can't stand for army.
Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?
They need parental permission.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
They have no one to call daddy.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
Why can't an orphan be friends with Dom Toretto?
Dom doesn't have friends; he has "family."
Why can't a T-Rex clap?
Because they're dead :/
Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!
You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know what home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home plate.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't have a home to go to.
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")