Canning jokes

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.

Teacher: Ok kids, time to go home.

The orphan: What is home?

Teacher: Here, I have somewhere for you.

*puts in trash can*

Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?

Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!

Why is something orphans can never say?

"Let's go home."

Hey, Tanya, can I Tanya ass?

What place can you find a cow? Mc'Donalds (Eieio)

What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?

Noise!

What can you build with people? A boat!

Why are orphans not that good at baseball?

They can never hit a homerun.

I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)

What's the difference between a club and a bar?

I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.

Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."

Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."

Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."

Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"

Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"

Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."

Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."

Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."

Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"

Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."

Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.

"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.

"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."

"And then?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"

"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

Hi guys! In my opinion, I think your jokes are non-funny! Can you make more sense!

Btw, who writes jokes about orphans? Thanks for understanding!

I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.

If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.

I will give the person credit each joke I do.

What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"

What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"

Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!

Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!

Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!

What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!

Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!

What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!

Why be homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist when you can be quiet?