Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
what do you call a terrorist that can fly? a dart
My fish can break dance. Only for 20 seconds and only once.
Why does Trump play Minecraft?
'Cause he can build walls.
I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.
why is the oldest iphone an orphan can get the iphone XI or XR it doesnt have a home button
Stephen hawking can pass any test but there’s one test cant pass it is the pacer test
Hey Ryan, what do you call a wall so large no man can conquer?
Answer: Ryan's forehead.
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!
Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke and it asked me “what is the difference between a large pizza and you”one can feed a family
what does blind kids and orphans have in common.
neither of them can see they're parents.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?
why are orphans bad at baseball:they can ́t find home base
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one they can call "daddy."
I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...
I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.
