Bulb jokes

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?

... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?

All 3 of them.

Hockey for life!

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!

How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, there is no electricity.

What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?

You brighten my day.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they're so DARN STUPID!!!!

How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for it being black.

How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?

None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on how high your ceiling is.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

102, if you have some alive ones.