Bulb jokes
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
How many prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just put the light bulb up their pussy and ask you to pay.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to pull a permit, one to schedule the inspector, and one to change the bulb.
How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four—one to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on how high your ceiling is.
How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they sit in the dark and cry.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.