Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?" Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
How do you get a million fans? Just ran through Africa with a bottle of water.
get a calculator. ok anyways sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs)and her friend said it was 222 many,she got caught by the police and was taken to 51 street.she got arrested for x8 days,so she was BOOBLESS
Sister- why do shampoo have directions
Me- cause God made you
How do you cause an African Parade?
You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!
Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave uncle Willie an idea
POV: Wine Taster in hell
I was, sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. this silhouette begins to speak, "you have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. how do you plead?" the man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit. "guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like I will take any punishment you deem fit." very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request." out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. the boy says "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." the boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, Taste like chicken."
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
https://me.me/i/water-exists-airport-security-what-the-fuck-did-you-just-fc25990076e54a13abe393eca0d6765a
I got more followers than Charli, because I brought a bottle of filtered water and food through Africa
Ur so skinny that ur mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on ur head but she still couldn’t find you
Why Is the Rum Gone?
I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink due to my dying first. He said “big games my friend”. He then proceeded to teach us “The greater the Big games the higher the Bottling
A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?' ''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom " "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit". "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife". "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class !!
''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk```......!!!!"
what does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common they can both squirt out there cum.
I took the trash to the recycling bin and two days later my mom told me asked me where’s your sister and I said in the recycling line to be turned into a bottle
Two nuns walk into a liquor store and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had. The clerk replied "Heck no sister, you nuns and aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son it is not for us you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation." The clerk said "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!" One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!
What do you call a bottle of water flying over Africa?
A UFO
Its about bottling Its about crying I stay finished I fake retire Put in the diving Put in the ghosting And take my fake trophies Eibar and Bolivia in my veins My barcelona banged by Bayern I bottle the game so whats my farmers name (Pessi)
its always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.
