Both jokes

What do suicidal people and apples have in common?

They both hang from trees.

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?

Nothing, they both stain.

Roses are red, Tomatoes are redder. I think we both know, I like you better.

Why are orphans and bananas so much alike? Because they both get split.

What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?

They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"

What's common between a feminist and a knife?

They both stay in the kitchen.

What do pigs and ink have in common?

They both go in a pen.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.

What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?

Both have noses.

What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?

They both empty their sacks around children.

Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.

What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?

They both are hanging.

What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...

They're both plastic and kids turn them on.

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?

They both come in small can.