Behavior jokes

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

Are you angry?

Go bully an orphan!

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.

How do you get a squirrel's attention? Act like a nut.

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?

They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.

Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.

Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

I put the fun in dysfunctional.

You should watch Ryan ToysReview because he's not mean; he's a very nice boy.

Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.

You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!