Bars Jokes

Two gays came into the bar and said, "What's up, you big faf mother of hell?"

Why did the rapper go to space?

To drop some ASTRONOMICAL bars!

A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

A horse walked in a bar and the bartender asked, "Why the long face?"

The Past, Present & Future walked into a bar.

It was tense!

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.

Why did the rapper go to school?

To drop some KNOWLEDGE BARS!

I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.

Two muffins are sitting in a bar.

The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."

The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.

What's the difference between a club and a bar?

I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.

So I walked into this bar and thought, "Wow, this is a dull joke."

I don't like jokes.

"Break me a piece of that Kit Kat bar."

An orphan walks into a bar and the barman says, "What are you doing here? You need parent's permission!"

"Oh no, who will I ask?" the orphan says.

Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks...

My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"

The bartender says, "No bread here."

And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"

And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."

So the duck says, "Got any nails?"

And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.