Bars jokes

A guy walked into a bar.

A guy walked out of a bar.

Two whales went to a bar.

The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

Why did the rapper go to space?

To drop some ASTRONOMICAL bars!

Why did the rapper go to school?

To drop some KNOWLEDGE BARS!

I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.

A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

Two Chinese men walk into a bar.

"Owwwwwwwwwww," they say instead of "ouch."

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

Two gays came into the bar and said, "What's up, you big faf mother of hell?"

A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.

A horse walked in a bar and the bartender asked, "Why the long face?"

The Past, Present & Future walked into a bar.

It was tense!

A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"

Two muffins are sitting in a bar.

The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."

The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.

What's the difference between a club and a bar?

I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.

So I walked into this bar and thought, "Wow, this is a dull joke."

I don't like jokes.

"Break me a piece of that Kit Kat bar."