What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think "Mom's probably going to kill me"
why did the baby cross the road? because he wanted to die
Yo Mama is so huge when she was born everyone died
Why did the united nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public? Because the french government was using the guillotine on new born babies for circumcision.
So one day I was walking home from school with my best friend sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that bob the class rep got her pregnant a eight months ago and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said “sally it’ll be ok I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson” “yeah thanks suzy” she said to me then went into her house. The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school so I was like oh she must be in trouble with her mom I’ll go check on her So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands “oh hello. Is that Sally’s son!! Can I see sally?” Her mom says sure and I go inside but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone “here lies sally 2004-2020” so I ask her mom in tears “oh did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied “you could say that..”
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
You know a parana can devour a small child in 30 seconds Any way I lost my job at the aquarium today
Knob Klondike I want Ellen Poobiess please I want big jucy pobs in me right now Ellen girl give milk boob to me with good Pochyy babie
how do Asians name their babies? They throw pots and pans around ‘Ching, Chang, Clang’
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour
~babies in a blender 😌
What do you call a baby potato 🥔?
Small Fry!
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
I was going to tell a joke about babys but i decided to abort
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) 1. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick
2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.
3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.
5. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
6. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
7. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
8. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
One day leaf asks mom, “mom, why am I named leaf?” Mom says “because when you were a baby a leaf fell on your head.” The next day feather asks mom “ mommy, why am I named feather?” Mom says “ when your were a baby a feather fell on your head.” The next day brick asks mom “rhsisvrkanx” mom says, shut up brick!
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
Baby 🍼
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby.
I don't worship Jesus.
What time is it when you can smell smoke 💨 inside? Time to get outside