Ares jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?
The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
Carrie Underwood and ChatGPT are not the same. ChatGPT is able to create a soul.
Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too sus to call them daddy!
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is!
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.
"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.
"Indeed, they are," he was told.
"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?