Ares jokes
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.
What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?
They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.
There was a kid being mean to another kid at an orphanage. The kid said, "Stop!" but the mean one said, "What are you going to do? Call your mommy?"
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale? Because they lost both towers.
Name a nut. You because are nuts.
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
Like if you are a simp.
Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.
I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"
I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
Wow, these jokes are lit.
Some might say even killer!
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
The only thing they can see are their chopsticks.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.