Are jokes

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.

Your eyebrows and hairline are so far apart that when Dora the Explorer went and found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows, the map couldn't even tell her.

You're just big and good.

Two lepers meet on the street.

First says "How are you doing?"

Second says "Mustn't crumble!"

I always wonder what girls are thinking about. Maybe balls.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

Why are orphans bad at baseball? They can't get home.

What do you call it when you are very sad in Panera Bread?

Panera Dread.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.

What do you do when you're sad?

Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

Hippity hoppity, women are property.

You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.

Me: Are you an alien?

Friend: No.

Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.

My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.

Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Jared from Subway touches the youth.

Why are the towers working out? They have big thighs!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I pray God I'm not so ugly as you.

Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo inside you?