Are jokes

Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.

Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?

Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.

Why can't dwarfs be depressed?

Because they are compressed.

Why are gay people so bad at math? Because they can't multiply.

People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.

Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.

What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.

A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.

So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"

The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"

The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

Why are dolphins so smart?

Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!

Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"

His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."

A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"

Them: You want some Lucky Harms?

Me: What are Lucky Harms?

Them: They're Lucky Charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.