Are jokes

If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?

A: All the good guys are hung.

Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?

Kid: Sure.

Dad: Come on.

Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?

Dad: Go in.

"White beta males and fake alpha males are a joke that goes for POC men too."

"Left, center, right, and apolitical, also skeptical, are also a joke."

Hope the towers are doing well this morning, and I'll get back to you!

Name what guns are used for. {wrong answers only?}

Are there support groups for men?

Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.