New Appearance Jokes - Page 37

i bet when your mom first saw you she said oh my god this aint my child my child would look amazing

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Husband: I look fat can someone compliment me?

Wife: you have good eyesight.

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.

#NoMoreOrphanJokes STOP IT NOW! I will dislike all the prhan jokes that appear.

What do you say to a girl with no arms and no legs? Nice boobs!

Yo mama slept with so many guys she's starting to look like one.

What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

You have gaps in your teeth, looks like your tongue is in jail.

A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.

And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"