And jokes

What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?

I don't eat the fruit.

Hey, math:

I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!

How do you make Alabama cookies?

Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.

What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?

A meringue-atang.

What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?

Love at first byte! <3

In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.

And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.

A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"

He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

Student asks teacher, "If I throw an apple and noodles, which one will fall first?"

Teacher replied, "I don't know."

Then student replied, "Noodles will fall first because noodles are fast foods!"

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"

I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂

What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.

"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."

I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.

You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?

Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.

Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?

She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.

What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.