And jokes

Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!

What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk" home from a tree house? 🏠

What is a good night's sleep?

I haven't a clue!

What time is it when you get home and you can walk walk?

What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home?

🏡 night time and I can drive to the car tomorrow night.

Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

Good day today, love you. Walk in love day and a walk home night. Night, night. I did not get snow. I love it is the day that we get a tree. I have to go get some sleep. Was good day at school today, but I’m going to be...

Good day tomorrow, and what day are they still good today? Good time. Love day! A great night time and...

What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?

Kids won't eat broccoli.

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?

12, because fish don't drown.

Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.

"Harry Hicks smells of home. Homo is an infection, and infections are made up of atoms."

Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.

Abdi and Tunde are real.

Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

Why do orphans like pedos? Because it's someone that loves them and they can call "daddy."

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Your mom is fat and so are you.

I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.

The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"

My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."