And jokes

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”

Patient: “Give me the good news first.”

Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”

Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.

Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

Why does the emo hate Christmas?

The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.

Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.

A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

What is the difference between a normal kid and an orphan?

A normal kid has a family.

Your mum is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.

My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.

She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.

The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.

My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.