And jokes
Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?
Both of those are commonly found in basements.
Memes
What do Karens do when they have free time?
They do KARENoke and sing a Karen song.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
Think like a proton and stay positive!
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
Jasper doesn't like little girls and Bin Laden.
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
(Only Ninjago fans understand XD)
If you look outside and it's really windy, it's really cloudy, and the sky looks greenish... you better run, 'cause it has to be Morro!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop onions.
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"