And jokes

They say people are 75% water.

But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.

Why did the chicken cross the towers?

Because he ordered a plane pizza and didn’t get to the other side.

Curry hits 3s, and Kobe hit 3 trees.

Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...

And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.

School. School is a slavery joke and a Nazi joke combined.

The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.

Mary is hanging out, and the angel Gabriel descends behind her. She looks behind her and says, "Jesus Christ!" and the angel Gabriel said, "So you already know."

Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/

"and i oop"

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

You cut the rope.

The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."

Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!

Orphan: What! No! Please no!

Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!

What's the difference between my basement and my garage?

One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.

So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.

Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.

What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?

I only stuff the turkey.

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!

What does 9 and 36 add up to?

A life in prison.