And jokes

Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!

What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?

"Dine and dash."

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

What is the similarity between math and buildings?

Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.

It's all fun and games until they start dancing.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.

Time for a remake!

The dear God created the man.

Then he created woman.

When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.

Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?

God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?

One eats tape while the other eats pussy.

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?

An escapee from a mental hospital.

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?

Both get hard when we play with them.

God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?

Vin Diesel has family.

Your forehead and your hairline must be friends, because they go way back!