And jokes
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.
It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
Memes
And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
I am Thor.
And next year, I will be five.
We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."
Hello, I'm C-3PO. And this is my brother, WD-40.
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.
I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.
What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!
Which one do you want to watch? 😀"
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
What do cake and baseball have in common?
Both need batters.