And jokes

Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.

Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!

What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?

"Dine and dash."

What's the difference between a crumbled man and 9/11... nothing, they're both crumbled.

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!

What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper.

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

The Twin Towers ordered 3 tacos.

One was just a plane tortilla.

The other one was also just a plane tortilla.

And the third one went to the wrong address.

What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?

One gets picked.

Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?

A: At least one does something when it is triggered.

I saw a man. I saw another man. And I saw another. Where am I? Comment below.

Yo mom's so old, she went into the museum and walked out with a raise.

I never make that type of joke. They always seem to crash and burn.

"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix.