And jokes

When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found Steam on his computer. This means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.

What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.

So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.

What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?

Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."

What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?

The prisoner is wanted!

Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.

*You're a real best Gwen*

I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.

I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

What do Nemo and an orphan have in common? They can't find their parents.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Luckily for you, mirrors can't talk, and luckily for you, they can't laugh either.

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.