And jokes

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.

What did the bowler say when the balls were on the lane and the pin? They said, "Strike!" 😂😂😂😂

What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?

Answer: Hot wheels...

I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

What do Nemo and an orphan have in common? They can't find their parents.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found Steam on his computer. This means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.

How do you kill time?

Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.

A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."

What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?

A Brick can get laid.

One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."

What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?

Their parents are extinct.