And jokes

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.

I’m a clown...

And everyone knows.

Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.

What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.

If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.

Yo mama is so fat, a rogue shadowstepped her and got a loading screen.

I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"

Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.

(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.

What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?

They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.

He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”

Stephen Hawking had pins and needles and got told to walk it off.

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.