And jokes

What's big, round, and can't move?

A vegetable!

I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, and I was like, "OMg!"

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

I ran into a dwarf, and he said, “Well, I’m not happy.”

Me: Then which one are you?

She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?

Reload and keep firing!

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

You pull the pin and throw it back!

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn't know back-to-school sales had started already!

What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?

One has a functioning neck.

NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.

What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?

A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

How do you punish a blind person?

Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller.”

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"